Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Give Your Ex Another Chance

Should you? Shouldn’t you? Confused over whether you should give your ex another chance? Give these 10 reasons a thought, and you’ll know for sure!

 

Should you really get back with your ex when they try to weasel their way back into your life?
Simply put, probably not.
But then again, not every failed relationship can be categorized into a bad break up, just because circumstances forced the romance to end.
There are a number of reasons why you and your ex broke up in the first place.
Whether it be differing life goals, incompatible sex lives, or an unwillingness to meet each other’s needs and wants, there was something that came in between the two of you as a couple.

Should you give your ex another chance?
As much as some people want to ignore that plain truth, and try again, the best idea is to leave the past where it belongs, behind you.
Instead, you should take what you can from the experience and move on.
Here are 10 reasons why you should most likely not give your ex another chance. If your ex can convince you otherwise, or if you truly believe things have changed for the better *the odds are always very, very slim*, perhaps you could give them another chance.
But remember, when you get back with an ex, as good as it may feel, there’s a bigger chance that another heartbreak’s just around the corner all over again.

#1 Your ex probably hasn’t changed.
 People can be amazing talkers. But saying something, and actually doing it, are two completely different things. So if you’re hearing a lot of talk from your ex about how much they have changed, look for the proof.
Actions speak louder than words. So if your ex is expressing to you, for example, how trustworthy they have become, pay attention to how they behave when they explain themselves to you. Is their behavior and attitude trustworthy? Or, are they screening messages, and skipping around lofty details about what they’ve been up to recently?
Bottom line, if what your ex is doing isn’t lining up with what they are saying, they probably haven’t changed. If this is the case, then you most likely shouldn’t give them another chance. They obviously haven’t changed very much since your initial break up.

#2 There’s a good chance you are headed for the same problems.  
This is closely related to the earlier pointer. There’s a good chance that if your ex hasn’t changed, you are going to run into the same problems all over again.
Similar patterns are bound to reoccur if you have one individual coming into the partnership as the same person that left it. If you ex didn’t learn anything from your last relationship together, and didn’t take the time to grow as a person, and a partner, odds are you are going to have some of the same issues as the last time around.
Say, for instance, in your first relationship with each other your ex was constantly complaining about their unfortunate job situation, and refused to do anything about it. If your ex has the same job, or still refuses to actively change their future, you are going to encounter the same frustrations.
If your ex hasn’t progressed as an individual, and especially if you have, you are bound to run into similar problems in your relationship if you try again. It’s better not to relive past irritations by giving your ex another chance.

#3 Your friends might abandon you.  
This is especially dependent on the number of chances you have given your ex already. Remember that your friends often are the ones hearing all of the horrible things about your ex during, and after, your relationship.
You friends will most likely try and talk you out of giving your ex another chance, especially if they realize that your ex doesn’t deserve you. If you ignore their honest advice and go ahead and take back your ex, your friends are going to be upset.
It’s only in extreme cases that your friends may actually abandon you. More often, abandonment happens when you are giving your ex a fourth or fifth chance to show you that “things will be different”. You should trust your friends’ judgments, they know you and have stayed with you through your relationships and know what is okay and what is not.

#4 You will have to explain to your family why your ex is back in the picture. 
 This can be particularly awkward if you had a rather nasty break-up and/or your family was fairly close to your ex. They will likely know the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and probably hold a grudge against your ex.
Of course, because you are their family, you could really do no wrong. So, even if your break-up was mutual, or you were equally to blame, your family won’t see it that way.
If you give your ex another chance, your ex will ultimately have a lot of making up to do, and if your family doesn’t accept it, your relationship is going to be difficult for a whole different set of reasons.

And if your ex truly deserves a second chance, your family and friends will see this and support you. But, they might still give you a hard time at first.

#5 They have new, and more disgusting and annoying habits.
 When we love someone, we tend to let them off the hook for their nasty and irritating habits that otherwise would make us silently heave *carrying around a nail clipper as a key chain, or constantly forgetting to flush the toilet*. I don’t know what weird habits your exes have, but I’m sure they are many.
Well, these little habits could have gotten worse, or weirder with time. Or perhaps, you never noticed them in your first relationship, and now you find yourself being introduced to a number of shocking and appalling behaviors you would rather live without.

#6 Your relationship might get too comfortable, too soon. Getting comfortable too soon can relate to the particular habits discussed in #5 being revealed far too early, or a number of different things. As you’ve dated your ex before, they might automatically assume that means that you pick up the relationship where you left off.
Dirty laundry on the floor, dishes in the sink, or non-existent date nights all over again. Whatever it may be that angered you in the first relationship could start happening much sooner the second *or third, etc.* time both of you get back together.
If you do give your ex another chance, you might want to make it clear from the start that you are going to need a clean slate, and that means that you will have to take the time to get to know each other again in terms of your new relationship. If you’re honest in the beginning that things need to change, then hopefully your ex won’t get too comfortable too soon!

#7 Your ex might have new baggage.
  This can be a major reason to think twice about giving your ex another chance. Depending on how long it’s been since the two of you have broken up, or how well you’ve kept in touch, your ex might have acquired a whole new set of baggage while you were apart.
New baggage can come in many forms such as a loss, depression, a change in career *or no career at all*, family issues, physical health problems, or another relationship.
And if your ex has been dating someone else since your last breakup, there could very well be a new ex in the picture. And it’s not easy to date your ex if they’ve just come out of a relationship with their own ex, especially if their ex is persistent to stay in your ex’s life!
If it was a serious relationship, you might find that your ex is thinking of them often, instead of focusing on building your new relationship. How far you want to get into dealing with this new baggage depends on your commitment to your ex, and your new relationship together.

#8 They still aren’t willing to meet your needs and wants.
If you ex isn’t willing to meet your needs and wants, or to comprise, so that each of you is content and happy in your relationship, you should not think of giving them another chance. Identifying and living up to your partner’s basic needs and wants is a crucial part in any healthy relationship.
Your ex probably wasn’t meeting your needs and wants in your first relationship, or else, you wouldn’t have broken up. So this time around, you must make it very clear what you expect from your ex. And they should be willing to deliver.

#9 The sex is just different.
 If you’ve been apart a long time, experimenting and growing sexually in the meantime, perhaps the sex with your ex is just not going to hit that spot. If you’ve grown as an individual, not just emotionally but sexually too, you might have troubles adjusting your sex life with your ex.
If you are going to try again, you definitely need to be honest with your ex if the sex is not working for you. If you don’t feel like you can be honest, and you need to change it up as a couple, then you’re definitely not ready to be together again.
#10 You still want very different things. 
 If your life goals and dreams do not line up with your ex’s aspirations, you will most likely run into problems if you decide to give them another chance. When you are sharing your life with someone, you need to be on the same page, or at least the same book.
In order to fully support each other, both of you need to understand each other’s goals and dreams and help each other achieve them. If your ex isn’t supportive of your life goals, whether they be career, family or personal, you should not give your ex another chance.

Definitely think twice before giving your ex another chance
There are many reasons why you probably shouldn’t take your ex back. Your relationship ended because something wasn’t right, and the probability of that changing is often slim because most people are unwilling to change.
So, unless that reason you broke up with your ex was due to an unmistakable stroke of bad luck related to time and place, then no, you should not give your ex another chance.

If you’re hoping that a few changes, and a lot of compromises, can fix things to the way it once was, stop it. You are only prolonging what will eventually happen – a final break-up.
Once you leave behind the past relationship that was hurting you, or holding you back, you will be able to move forward to better things, which will be fulfilling and full of happiness.

The Step-by-Step Guide to Get Your Ex to Love You Again

Though they say that getting back with your ex is a bad idea, there are still instances when you just can’t let them go, no matter how hard you try.

 

As a word of warning to all our readers, looking to get back together with your ex needs a lot of careful consideration. After all, there is a reason you broke up in the first place. However, there’s no denying the attraction for someone you’ve once loved and may still love.
Do you miss how your ex would always make you laugh? Do you miss the warmth of your ex’s embrace? Do you long for those hours you spent talking about sweet nothings? Do your friends and family ever seem to wistfully ask why it never worked out between you two? Do you honestly believe, with all your heart, that getting back together with your ex is a perfectly sane and reasonable thing to do?

How to get your ex back
If you’ve answered “yes” to all the questions above, here’s how you can try to get back into your ex’s loving arms. Once you’ve made up your mind to try and give it another shot with a past love, you can follow these steps to ensure that you do it right.

#1 Start off with an apology.  
This would only apply if the wound of your breakup is still pretty recent. Breakups are a two-way thing. Even if it was caused by your ex, there’s still a possibility that you let go of words that you wish you could take back. To ease you back into your ex’s good graces, it’s always a good idea to apologize for the things you may have said and done to contribute to the demise of your relationship.
Be as sincere as you can be, and if possible, try to do this in person. The fact that your ex seems interested in talking to you may be a sign that there’s a possibility that they will take you back. Who knows, you might even reconcile right then and there!

#2 If the breakup isn’t recent, send your ex a text or a private message.
 Calling or just showing up at your ex’s place may be too forward and too confrontational. It might make your ex completely defensive and just shoot you down. Instead, it’s better if you send a message, just to give your ex some time to think of whether to reply or not.
If your ex replies amicably enough, then great! If not, don’t take it too personally. Your ex might be suspicious of your message. Try to send another message at another time, and keep your fingers crossed that you’ll get a response. If after about three messages spanning over the course of a week or two you still get no response, there’s a huge chance that getting back together is out of the question.

#3 Ask your ex out over the phone.
Once you get to messaging each other on a more or less regular basis, give your ex a call. It’s up to you if you want your ex to hear just how smitten you still are with hearing their voice. After the preliminary chitchat, ask your ex to hang out with you, even if it’s just as friends.
Yes, it may be deceptive to tell your ex that it’s just as friends, but immediately confessing that you’re still attracted to them might take your ex by surprise. The key here is going through the motions slowly, but surely. Also, make sure that the date has a very casual feel to it. Avoid any romantic settings. If possible, have the “friendly date” in a coffee shop or a restaurant during daylight hours.
 

#4 Reconnect with your ex’s friends.
Once you’re back to hanging out with each other, it may also be a good idea to get back in touch with your ex’s friends and family. Don’t act like your breakup never happened. Instead, act like someone who has been away for a while, but would just like to catch up. Keep your cool, and don’t act all possessive.
One of the key ways you can try to get back with your ex is by getting to their friends. Your ex may be persuaded by a friend who seems to think that you’ve changed for the better or that a second try might do you both good.

#5 Reminisce about the good times.
When you’re on your third date, or maybe even on your first, if you want to take it fast, you might want to bring up your old relationship. The way your ex responds to this prompt depends on how your relationship was. Their reaction actually clues you in on your chances of getting back together.
If they recall the good old days, they might still see you as someone they can fall back in love with. On the other hand, if your ex seems to see your relationship as a waste of time or a very trying phase in their life, then you need to work on convincing your ex that it won’t be like that the second time around.

#6 Show your ex how much you’ve changed. If you’re still the same person whom your ex decided to leave, then asking for them to take you back is like asking them to go through the pointless motions all over again. You can do this by highlighting some of the things that you’ve changed for the better.
For instance, you may show signs that you’re now more sensitive to their feelings by showing empathy. You may tell your ex that you’ve decided to join a program for controlling bad habits like smoking, drinking, gambling or even anger issues. You can also talk about how you’ve decided to pursue a career. This can then make your ex consider that giving you a second chance might not be such a bad idea. [Read: How to recreate your sexual chemistry with your ex]
#7 Try to woo your ex again. Even if you show your ex that you’ve changed for the better, you also have to show that the parts your ex likes are still there. Look back at how you were able to catch your ex’s attention and use this to attract them a second time.
You may have met during a music event, and you can go to another one to relive the memories. Your ex may have fallen for your great taste in movies and literature, and you can regale them with stories of what you’ve seen and read. Maybe your ex fell in love with your carefree, devil may care attitude. You can show that side of you by going out on a spontaneous trip, but still keeping your responsibilities in mind.

#8 Emphasize why you want to get back together. 
 Throughout all these fun dates and subtly romantic hints, your ex might still not understand why you’re trying to win them back. It’s clear that you’re not just after a tumble in bed, but you have to make it clear that your intentions include getting back together.
This is ultimately all up to you and your own personal reasons. But one of the most effective things you might say is the fact that life just isn’t the same without your ex’s presence. You can explain how different it was and how much better it could be, if you were to reconcile.
Another reason you can state is that you’ve never been able to find anyone else who makes you feel the way your ex feels. Of course, you’ll have to own up to the fact that you have been dating other people. But you’re both adults and your ex is bound to understand.

#9 He or she is the one.
One of the many reasons people break up is because of commitment issues. Your ex may have left because they didn’t think you’d commit completely. You can change their mind by actually proposing marriage. And yes, even women can do this, but it takes a woman with a lot of guts to pull this off.
But before you start planning a huge proposal, you have to consider the odds that your ex may or may not accept it. Don’t use your proposal to pressure your ex, as this may just lead to you getting disappointed.