Easy Ways To Avoid Awkward Silences During a Date

Ever been on a date peppered with so many awkward pauses that time seems to drag on forever? Just keep these 8 tips in mind, and avoid those awkward silences! 

 

Those first few dates are tricky business, and it gets worse if both of you don’t know each other very well.
Thoughts like, “Will he be intimated if I talk about current affairs?” and “Will she think I am insensitive if I crack a religious joke now?” float around in people’s minds all the time.
And when you over-think what you should or should not say to someone new, you inevitably invite in unbearable lulls in the conversation.
But remember, you are not alone when it comes to cautious colloquy on a first date.

Awkward silences – We’ve all been there!
We have all seen the recent paparazzi snapshots of Victoria Beckham and Samuel L. Jackson at Wimbledon. Two powerhouses sitting next to each other at one of the greatest sporting events in the world with nothing to say, the awkwardness amplified even more with fuzzy snapshots of the awkward tugging of jacket lapels and the fiddling of already perfectly coiffed hair. Although they may not have been on a date, awkward silences tend to creep into everyday circumstances, seeping into social cracks and crevices when we least expect them to. And this is further amplified on a date.
Seamless chatter that end with a romantic stroll along the boardwalk and a passionate kiss goodnight *or more* at the door do not have to be reserved for chick lit and summer flicks. We are all human and awkward silences are the norm, especially when we are getting to know someone new and have no idea where the ‘uncrossable’ line lies.

8 easy ways to avoid awkward silences during a date
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you can’t help but feel hot under the collar as your wriggle your sweaty toes uncomfortably, all you have to do is fill in the blanks with these great suggestions and you will never have to worry about dreaded awkward silences again.

#1 Skirt controversial topics
As passionate as you are about wanting to see the destruction of the financial system, or think that all women should have the right to be pro-choice, or even if you think that the president is a douche *or not*, save controversial topics for when you get to know your date a little better.
For all you know, he or she may be heavily invested in hedge funds, be completely against abortion, or by a twist of fate is related to the president.
In general, steer clear from conversations that may lead to one person taking a firm stance against the other. As healthy and fun as a passionate debate may be, you may want to take the pressure out of your first date and save it for when you can garner a little more information on the person. The only thing worse than awkward silences during a date is to get walked out on midway through your scallop cerviche.
If you happen to land on a sensitive and controversial topic and realize that your date is a little touchy-feely about it, sidestep the issue and say something like, “Well, how about we save that little powwow for later and focus on this instead?”. Follow up by throwing in a random yet witty bit of information on anything that tickles your fancy and see where the conversation leads to next.

#2 Skirt the past as well
You should also remember to avoid talking about the past, unless they bring it up, of course. Trying to weasel information about why your date’s last relationship failed, or why they are no longer on speaking terms with their parents is not exactly something to focus on when it comes to date number one. Questions like these will undoubtedly lead to awkward pauses.
Diffuse the situation by turning the subject to yourself instead. If you have no qualms speaking about your past, do it, but remember to stick to happy memories and avoid the boohoo bits.
Turn the conversation to yourself and lead it to something different with a line like, “Well, I for one do not have a great relationship with my mother, but she used to make these amazing coconut cookies, and as a kid it reminded me of the beach. Do you enjoy spending time by the ocean?”

#3 Acknowledge the silence
You will be surprised at how well honesty can work in an awkward situation. Slice through the tension with an honest response in a comical voice like, “Well, that was awkward, let’s try and avoid that, shall we? It’s a little too early for quiet time.” Follow up with a new topic of conversation completely unrelated to what you were previously gabbing *or not* about.

#4 Siblings and friends
When you are speechless and feel cornered conversationally, kickstart a topic related to siblings and friends. Most people feel comfortable speaking about the people closest to them as it is classified as non-threatening territory.
Whether it is talking about backpacking Europe with your college roommate, or attending your nephew’s retro-inspired first birthday bash, you will be able to dig up a myriad of random conversation starters by sorting through your mental Rolodex of friends and siblings.
Say something relatable and non-threatening like, “I have a four-year old niece who wants to be a nurse and you will not believe the things she makes her parents do during playtime. When I was her age I wanted to be a paleontologist. What about you?”

#5 Travel anywhere special?
Talking about our big, beautiful world is a surefire way to start a wonderful gab fest. Ask your date about where they have traveled to and what they found most inspiring about these places. Follow up with witty tales of your personal travels, the people you met, the things you ate, and the sights you got the chance to witness.
Even the most worldly traveler will not be able to resist hearing about your experience eating a fried scorpion in the back alleys of Siem Reap. If your date has not traveled much, ask them, “Well, let’s just say you get to drop everything right this minute and go off on an adventure. Where would you go and why?” 

#6 Ask about achievements
People love talking about themselves. Personal experiences that encompass failures and achievements mold a person into what they are and most of the time, people are not shy to speak about what got them to where they are. Even if your date is only doing so-so career wise, they will undoubtedly have something to say about what they are doing, their career aspirations, horrible bosses, and so on.
If speaking about work is not something either of you want to touch on, ask your date about something you know they are good at such as, “Janine told me you are a great chef and a master at Thai cuisine. What made you pick up cooking?” 

#7 Weekend activities
One way to diffuse tension is to speak about weekend activities. Not only is this neutral territory, it will also give you an insight into your date’s general likes and dislikes. From going to the local shooting range, to rock climbing, to taking pole dancing classes, you will be able to garner plenty of information on a person’s character just by asking what they enjoy doing.
Not just that, it will give you plenty of talking points to fall back on the next time an awkward lull pops into the conversation.
Start with something that you enjoy doing and move on from there. “I recently completed level one of a Hatha Yoga course and am very excited to start level two. What do you enjoy doing over the weekends? Perhaps I can get some tips from you on where to go and what to do once I’m done with level two.”

#8 Indulge in an activity
You can also opt to move on to something that both of you can do without the need for much speaking. Doing something together will loosen the tension and hopefully lead to another chance at a meaningful conversation. 
If you are at a restaurant or bar, suggest getting up to dance if there is music on. If you are taking a stroll, indulge in an ice cream or partake in a random word game.
Draw inspiration from your surroundings or a third party if there isn’t an activity that you can escape to. Say something like, “I was told that these chandeliers were imported from Italy. I wonder if the owner has roots there.”  or “I hear that George Clooney recently vacationed not too far from here. Do you enjoy any of his movies?”

Things You HAVE to Avoid Doing on Your First Date!

Want to awe the person you’re meeting on your first date? Just focus on having a good time, and make sure you avoid these 18 things that are best avoided!

 

Every first date you have is potentially the last first date you will ever have! It only takes one time to meet the perfect person and once you find them, well, you don’t carry on looking, do you?
So you need to make sure that you make the best impression every time. After all, a first date is certainly not an assurance that you will get a second, so you need to make sure that you make that assurance while you’re at it.
 18 things you have to avoid doing on a first date
Of course, this is easier said than done and often, people can fall into habit traps that they don’t even realize put other people off. So what are the habit traps and how do you avoid them?
Here are 18 little annoyances that can turn into a dating turn off if you don’t keep them in check.

#1 The date setting. 
It can often be tempting to try something different on a first date like paintballing or water-skiing, but the problem with this is that you are not going to be able to talk to your date. Yes, you might seem adventurous to them, but they won’t get a chance to actually get to know you. This makes it hard to build a connection with your date and significantly lowers the chance of getting a second one.

#2 Make simple plans.
Another thing to avoid doing if you are in charge of setting up the first date is making it too complicated. Yes, it might be lovely to go see a film, then go eat and then go to the beach, but you might find by the time you have eaten that the two of you have nothing in common. Instead, plan a simple date with only one or two activities. If you find that at the end of those activities, you want to go to the beach, then do, but at least there is no pressure if both of you want to split ways.

#3 Always be on time.
 Okay, there may be a saying about being fashionably late, but don’t buy into it. This is your first date and you want to make a good impression. You want to be seen as reliable and not flaky. Being on time will help your date know that you are worth their time to get to know. If you show up half an hour late, then there is a good chance your date might have already left the building assuming they’ve been stood up!

#4 Cover yourself up, it’s cold out!
 I hate to sound like your mother here, but seriously girls, you need to start covering up. It might be tempting to dress yourself up like sex on legs, but if you do, then that’s all your date is going to see you as. There is a rule of principle that every girl should follow on a first date, either legs or chest, but never both.
By this, you can have some cleavage out, but cover up your legs, or have your legs out but cover up your cleavage. This way, you are well balanced and your date is left with a little room for imagination.

#5 You’re only a stalker if you get caught.
Okay, you can admit it, as soon as you found out your date’s last name, you were searching for them on Facebook and Google. There is nothing to be ashamed of and we all do it. However, telling your date that you know about their childhood pooch Mr. Barksalot might seem a little weird. There is nothing wrong with doing a little research, just don’t bring it to the table with you.

#6 Don’t forget to put your best foot forwards. 
 It can be really easy in the hours and days leading up to a first date, to become worried about impressions. People can often find themselves freaking out when they can’t find the perfect outfit or their face has become zit city. This doesn’t need to happen though, often the other half of the date will be getting themselves just as worked up. You both like each other, otherwise this date wouldn’t be happening, so relax and just be yourself.

#7 Being an ice queen won’t melt many hearts.
 I’ve watched enough romantic comedies to know that if you like a person, then you should play it cool. This doesn’t mean however that you should turn into an ice queen or king, it doesn’t mean you should wait three days to call your date or you should act like you don’t care while you’re on the date. Playing it cool means giving it a few minutes before you text back, and not setting your Facebook relationship status to ‘married’ before you have even been asked out!

#8 Life is a stage and all the men and women…
 Sometimes, the pressure of a first date can make you feel like you have to put on a performance or only show your best side. This might secure you a second date, but it’s unlikely that you will get much further than that. A first date is all about working out if you are compatible with the other person, and you won’t be able to work that out if you are playing pretend.

#9 Don’t judge a book by its cover. 
 They say that within five seconds of meeting someone, you will have already formed an opinion of them. Do not let that opinion stop you from getting to know someone. You cannot know everything you need to know from five seconds with a person, you need to at least give them a chance, you never know they might be having a bad day or you might have caught them at the wrong time.

#10 Don’t just hear blah blah blah.
 Sometimes, you will find yourself drifting in and out of conversations, a first date is not the place to do this. It doesn’t matter if your date is boring you silly. You need to give them your full attention until the very end, otherwise you haven’t really given them a fair chance, have you? It wouldn’t be nice if they weren’t listening to you, so try to remember that.

#11 The five year plan is off the table. 
 During your date, you will talk about all kinds of things, where you grew up, what your upbringing was like and your hopes and dreams for the future. It’s a great time to really get to know the person you might end up in a relationship with, but it is not the time however to ask about their five year plan. It’s a first date and nothing is certain yet, so asking whether your date wants to get married at some point might seem a little over the top.

#12 You’re not in on the joke.
 If you don’t think a joke is funny, then don’t laugh, it’s perfectly alright to just smile. There is nothing worse than someone who laughs at everything their date says, just because they want to impress them, even if it means behaving like a silly child who’s smitten by the person they’re talking to.
Let your date see your identity by the way you behave around them. After all, you’re not on the date only to please the person you’re with. Truthfully speaking, you’re on the date because you are willing to let yourself be evaluated while evaluating the person at the same time.

#13 EXcuses.  
One topic that should never be discussed on a first date is the ex-files. It doesn’t matter how much they screwed you over and how much better off without them you are now. Talking about your ex on a first date will only make your date think that you are not over them yet. No one wants to play second fiddle to someone’s ex. If it pops up accidentally, talk about your ex briefly. Otherwise, just skip it.

#14 One, two, three and floor.
 First dates are meant to be fun, right? So what’s the harm in having a drink or two? There’s nothing wrong with a drink or two, however three or four might be pushing it a bit.
A good drink helps to shut up the sensible part of the brain, the part that says “Should I really be doing this?” and “Will I regret this in the morning?” So you need to be careful not to drink too much, otherwise you might be waking up to more than the cat in your bed.

Everything You Need to Know About a Flirtationship

Google “flirtationship” and you’ll find definitions ranging from the hilarious to the heartbreaking. We’re here to clue you in on what it’s all about. 

 

A flirtationship is a relationship between two friends, where both people engage in flirtatious behavior without the promise of becoming anything more. This is very different from the Friend Zone and the Friends with Benefits. A flirtationship is situated somewhere in between those two.
A flirtationship is something that develops between two friends who are aware that they have an attraction for each other but cannot or choose not to pursue it because of extenuating circumstances. Though you may give hints or you may exchange sweet words, it’s never explicitly stated if there really is an attraction there.
What happens in a flirtationship?
One or two things happen in a flirtationship. Two people will start flirting with each other by doing thoughtful things for each other, giving each other pet names or talking to each other as if they were in an actual relationship.
They don’t kiss or have sex. The most intimate thing they can do is hug and hold hands. It’s not that it’s not allowed. It’s because doing anything physically intimate than those things can lead to various complications.

Why do people get into flirtationships?
It’s not something that most people set out to do. It usually happens because two friends decide that they like each other, but can’t be romantically involved because of different reasons. The reasons are usually as follows:

#1 They have a girlfriend/boyfriend. 
 Without discussing the moral implications of this one, this is usually the reason why most flirtationships can’t progress into a real relationship. People flirt with other people for the thrill or just to try something new. Other times, it is caused by dissatisfaction in the current relationship.

#2 The age difference. 
Legalities aside, a huge age difference can prevent two people from having a relationship. Their families might not agree to it and society also isn’t that forgiving. So, the best thing they can do to avoid any emotional backlash is to not get together at all. If they can’t fight the power, the best thing they can do is admire each other from afar and engage in a flirtationship.

#3 The ex.
It could be that their ex is crazy or maybe one of you has just broken up with your last partner. Either way, dating someone publicly with those factors in mind can seem inappropriate or downright improbable. A flirtationship will do for now, but this type can progress to something deeper if the ex is out of the picture.

#4 One of you isn’t ready.
  Whoever holds the reins on this decision is the one who decides whether it will remain a flirtationship or not. By not making any promises, they can still spend time with the person they like without having to commit to anything. The downside is they can’t do anything more than flirt with their “friend.”

#5 Distance.
  If two people can’t get together because they’re hundreds or thousands of miles away, what else can they do but Skype and text? A flirtationship usually develops, but nothing else can happen unless someone is willing to bridge that continental gap.

Why stay and not take it to the next level?
Sometimes, the people in a flirtationship can be brave enough to upgrade their situation. Other times, the circumstances mentioned above prove to be too difficult to overcome. When that happens, all they can do is engage in a harmless flirtationship that promises nothing more than a few smiley emoticons and a haphazard XOXO.
It could also be that neither one wants to do anything about it because they’re comfortable in the situation. Another reason could be that they don’t want to ruin their flirtationship by speaking up and potentially scaring their partner away. No matter what the reason, both people in a flirtationship should agree that they want to take whatever it is they have to the next level.
If they don’t, there are a lot of consequences for what they are doing. Someone could fall in love. Someone could get caught by their girlfriend or boyfriend. Most of the time, flirtationships end with someone’s heart broken.

How do you know if you are in a flirtationship?
It’s fairly obvious if you are indeed in a flirtationship. When the person you like is flirting with you and you’re flirting back, the flirtationship has begun. When this flirtation becomes stagnant because neither of you want to take it further, you can then confirm that it is definitely a flirtationship.
Most people don’t label it at all unless someone asks. Since this is reserved for people who don’t want to be in relationships, yet don’t want to sleep with each other either, there’s no other way to put it.

10 signs that you are in a flirtationship
How can you tell if you’re in a flirtationship or you’re just talking to someone who’s just super friendly with you? Let’s clarify your status with these signs.

#1 You send each other cute and adorable texts about how your day went.
You can also talk about other things, while still squeezing in a few harmless flirty texts and messages.

#2 You don’t pay for each other’s food or stuff, unless it’s someone’s birthday. 
Being in a flirtationship means that you are not eligible for the fringe benefits that an actual relationship provides. Unless you’re willing to put your heart on the table, you’re paying for your own dinner.

#3 You give each other a pet name. 
 It can be the generic “baby” or “babe,” but most people in flirtationships develop their own pet names that also double as an inside joke. This makes it more evident that you are still friends even while you’re flirting.

#4 You don’t kiss at all. 
You want to, but it’s “forbidden.” No one agreed to it, but no one is willing to throw away the fun you’re having by making it complicated with a kiss.

#5 You don’t sleep together.
If you do, you will then be considered as Friends with Benefits. It’s a tad more intimate than being in a flirtationship, but it also has worse repercussions like a potential unwanted pregnancy and a bigger emotional hang-up over each other.

#6 You never say “I Love You.” 
Why would you? If you do, you’re practically on the losing end if they don’t reciprocate. If they do feel the same way, then great! But you could potentially bring in the complications that go with an actual relationship.

#7 You don’t complain about the girlfriend/boyfriend.
This is one of the biggest disadvantages about agreeing to be in a flirtationship. You went in knowing that the person you’re flirting with has a significant other. If you do complain, your flirtationship partner might reject you for your complaints or find you presumptuous to think that you have a right to complain.

#8 You treat each other more like friends rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend. 
The flirting comes and goes, but flirtationships usually revolve around the two of you making it all about your friendship. No matter how much flirting you do, you never forget that you are, first and foremost, JUST friends.

#9 People don’t understand what’s going on. 
 They are aware that you two are in a flirtationship, but they usually don’t get why you won’t do anything about it or at least break it off. It’s even harder to explain because they have to be in your situation for them to see everything that happens in your pseudo-relationship.

#10 You can’t label it. 
You’re not together, but you’re not not-together. It’s complicated, you say. It just isn’t the right time, one of you says. No matter what the reason, it’s hard to explain to people what you are doing exactly. If necessary, you can at least relax knowing that someone invented a term for what you guys have: A Flirtationship.

11 Super Smooth Ways to Flirt with Someone Online

If face to face flirtation isn’t your forte, you can trust technology to have your back! Here are some ways to get your crush’s attention online.

 

You want to be subtle with the way you show your feelings, but at the same time, you also want to start dropping hints at how much you adore your crush. You already have them as your contact in social media, but you’re not quite sure how to approach them online without pushing them to block you for good.
The good news is that social media gives you some semblance of privacy. Thus, if your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, the people around you won’t be the audience to your humiliation. And if the rejection stings like acid to a new wound, you can always choose to erase all your interactions and unfollow your crush.
How you can flirt online
Ready to get your crush swooning over your sweet messages and subtle hints? Try out these tips.

#1 Take note of what your crush was wearing or doing, without being obvious about it.  
When you see your crush, acknowledging their presence with a “hi” or a smile would suffice. But when you get the chance to go online, send them a message and comment on what they were doing when you saw them.
You can go for a compliment like, “Hey, I really like your band shirt. Where’d you get it?” You can also opt for the charmer’s route by saying, “I saw you down your coffee like it was water. Staying up for the exams?” These statements let your crush know that you were paying more attention to them than you initially let on.

#2 Check out what shows, movies and music your crush is into, and keep them updated. 
 A simple Google search can help you find out the latest news about your crush’s interests. For instance, if they’re into a certain band, you can mention that they’ll be playing at a local venue this week. If your crush is in love with a certain celebrity, send your crush a photo that they might have missed on their online stalking binges.
If your crush is into certain TV shows, however, make sure you’re not the jerk who suddenly spouts out a bunch of spoilers. People are very touchy about spoilers, and you can never be too careful!

#3 Be careful with the likes.
 Sure, you can creep your crush out and like everything they’ve posted since they got on Facebook. But the best route when it comes to the likes is picking only a few posts, so as not to flood their notifications feed.
Liking all the photos may make you seem utterly friendly or downright stalker-like, while liking only selective photos will make your crush wonder why there are photos that you like and there are photos that you didn’t like. It will keep your crush on their toes and make it seem like a guessing game.

#4 Don’t be afraid to leave a comment. 
 Do not comment on how good looking your crush is, but instead, comment on what they are doing. Pick up on the finer details of their photos and ask them something like, “Is that at Starbucks?” or “I have the same exact phone case!”
Comment something that will warrant a reply from them and not just a thank you. Interacting more with your crush is better than just simply worshipping them. You can even start a friendly little teasing fest there, as long as you’re aware of whether you’re going overboard.

#5 Leave an air of mystery to get your crush hooked. 
 If your crush messages you, curb the temptation to go on a reply rampage and take a deep, deliberate breath. You can seenzone them for a couple of minutes, and then think of an apt reply to send them. By doing this, you’re preventing yourself from looking too eager.
But don’t rely on the speed of your reply alone. Answer some of their questions vaguely. If they ask what you’re up to tonight, don’t give them detailed instructions to get to the bar you’ll be hanging out in! Instead, tell them that you’ll be out. Then wait for a reply. Then go in for the kill and hint that they’d be welcome to join you. Smooth!

#6 Tag away at your photos together! 
 Do not be shy to let the whole world know that you have spent time with your crush before. Let his friends and your friends know that you two go way back.
Even if these are new photos, tag them, and let everyone know that you two are spending time with each other. It’s not that you’re outright being possessive, as it’s just a photo. But it’s a subtle reminder to both, your crush and to the rest of the world, that the two of you are having fun together. Let the jealous be jealous!
#7 Make your crush the center of your status update.
  But for the love of all that is glorious, do not tag them! Instead, make it pretty obvious that you’re referring to something you and your crush talked about or something you did together.
For instance, you can post a quote that you and your crush discussed earlier. Or you can post a link to a site that completely proves that you were right about something you had a debate about. You can even post a YouTube video of a song that was playing when you were hanging out.
#8 Don’t be afraid of having opposite opinions. 
 Opposite opinions is fuel for more interesting conversations with your crush. For example, you might be totally into Game of Thrones, but your crush is pro-Lannister, whereas you are pro-Baratheon.
Point this out, and make a sensible, fact-filled argument as to why Baratheons are better than Lannisters. This is sure to lead to a friendly debate, and in the end, you can be the charmer who lets your crush win… Or you can casually suggest to agree to disagree.
#9 Be everywhere.
  And by everywhere, it means be in all of your crush’s social media profiles. Keep yourself updated of everything, and make sure that you alternate replying to your crush. If today you sent your crush an e-mail, tomorrow you should ensure that you tweet a reply. And then the next day like their photo on Instagram, and so on.
This keeps you on their mind, and practically embeds you into their subconscious. Just remember to message them sparingly, so as not to flood your crush with declarations of love and admiration.

#10 Be there, but not really. 
 Miss your crush on purpose. Yes, you read that right. When your crush checks into a place, show up at a time when you’re sure that they’ve already left. Then make a post that clearly shows you were at the same exact place your crush was.
This might get your crush to react and say that they missed you by a couple of hours, and you can say something like they should have texted you. If your crush doesn’t react, your common friends just might come to the conclusion that you were there together, and they might start teasing you both. It might just be the perfect push to make your crush think that you might be good for each other.